"I’m increasingly getting on with living the life that I was meant to live." Reflexion Psychology and Me, Sept 2026
Hello everybody,
Something a bit different today. I thought I’d share with you some of the work that I’ve been doing on myself. And more importantly the wonderful support that I have received from Dr Matt Johnson at Reflexion Psychology. Last year, as some of you are aware, my mental health took a tumble. I had crippling insomnia along with hideous bloody anxiety. Anxiety that has grown ever more encompassing since both of my parents died. It was bad enough when Mum died, but as soon as Dad died too, blimey, my safety net vanished and I felt adrift in the world.
I was finding that my life was becoming smaller and smaller. I shrank away from the world. I hardly ever left the house, other than for work, walking at night or food shopping. I second guessed every decision. Worried endlessly about what would really amount to nothing. For the first time in a very, very long time, I had to take time off work due to my deteriorating mental health. As with all my mental health challenges, I recovered very quickly. I am, above all things, that oft quoted word – resilient! Onward, ever onward I march into the world, all the while having that annoying, nagging, constant companion ANXIETY sitting atop my chest.
“You’re going to be late.”
“They say they like the training, but do they really…?”
“Get a move on, you’ll miss the train and then you’ll be late.”
“No one cares about your stupid courses Steven.”
“Come on, come on, you’re going to be late!”
“Just give it all up and live in your back bedroom!”
“Late, late, late!”
On and on he drones. The voice of impeding doom.
So, I found myself setting my alarm clock ever earlier. Training starting at 9.30am, oh best get there before 8am then? Why Steven, why!? “Well, what if the laptop explodes? What if the screen doesn’t work? What if the HDMI cable snaps? What if it is the wrong venue? What if it’s the wrong date? What if I don’t know what I’m talking about?”
Earlier this year, I thought to myself, ‘enough.’ I walk in nature, I meditate. My sleep was improving, but there was a nagging doubt in my mind, and the doubt was, “Yea, but how long is this good streak going to last eh?” Because after all, everything goes wrong eventually, doesn’t it?
And that’s the voice. The voice that Matt and I discussed in my therapy sessions.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the skill of cognitive diffusion, sometimes called unhooking, helps us create a bit of space between ourselves and our thoughts. This doesn’t mean getting rid of our thoughts but learning to notice them for what they are: words, pictures, images and memories that pass through our minds. Matt had me name THE VOICE and out popped the name, Melvyn Drywater. The character that I play in lots of my training films. The odious, overbearing, blowhard, who uses endlessly complicated jargon to appear clever and more intelligent than anyone else in the room. Melvyn who chairs meetings that go absolutely nowhere. Nothing changes. He just likes the sound of his own voice. We’ve all met a Melvyn, and I have one sitting in my head!
The irony was not lost on either Matt or me.
In creating my training films, I had given voice to that annoying clown in my head. It hadn’t occurred to me that in doing so I was giving vent to the thing that was stopping me from achieving the things that I truly wanted to achieve in my life; time doing things I love with the people that I love.
Matt’s invaluable insights into my ‘Melvyn voice’ allowed me to address the anxiety. Anxiety is always going to exist, but by making my life so small, I was allowing Melvyn to dictate my reactions, my thoughts, my deeds, my actions. The thing about anxiety is that our minds have gone into safety overdrive. I was ‘hooked’ by the fears and what I have found myself doing since starting therapy is ‘unhooking.’ I don’t ignore Melvyn, instead I have a chat with him and thank him for bringing the worry to my attention. Then remind him that I think he just might be overreacting and I expect things will be fine.
I’ve made my life BIGGER. Now Melvyn is a reduced voice. His size and volume diminished. He’s always going to be there. We all need an element of that ‘early warning sign’ in our minds. Only now, now that I have stopped reducing my life to the safety of my house I’ve found that things have most definitely changed for the better.
· My sleep has VASTLY improved.
· I’ve ceased worrying about not being able to sleep
· I’m not worrying about work, or lack of, or too much
· I’ve been on a holiday
· I’ve booked hotel rooms
· I am walking in new places
· I’ve become more open to invitations and opportunities to travel
· I’m writing my novel(s). Yes, not one to rest on my laurels, I’m working on two, one a psychological thriller, which I’ve named, ‘All I Ever Wanted’ and another, which is a cosy crime thriller set post-World War Two and starring my two murder mystery evening detectives, Doctor Ambrose and his housekeeper, Blodwyn – title as yet unknown…
· I’m eating healthier
· I’m seeing more of my friends (and playing crazy golf – who knew!)
· I’m going to see my mate Sam Troughton in his play at the National!
· I’m seeing life in a far more positive and upbeat fashion
· I’m living!
I’m back to being the me I was always supposed to be, it’s a Steven I recognise, but now with added extras. I would often say to people, “I just want to be like I was before Mum died.” And the thing is, that Steven, the ‘pre-Mum dying Steven’ has departed. This ‘new Steven’ isn’t worse, in fact he’s a little bit better, he’s different. Losing my parents was catastrophically traumatic for me. My fear, since a child was that my Mum would one day die. And of course, that had to happen. It’s the circle of life. My Mum would want me to thrive and be successful, to entertain my friends and DO things. To LIVE.
I’m increasingly getting on with living the life that I was meant to live, rather than waiting for my mind to give me permission to do it. Thank you Matt. Check him out, I expect you’ll have a most rewarding experience, and you’ll capture insights about yourself that you never really gave much credence to.
A huge part of my healthier and happier life has been Dr Matt Johnson.
His insights, his understanding and patience have been crucial in my embracing being me.
